"Will It Microwave?"

Do you know what happens to a cell phone when you stick it in the microwave? I always laughed when my grandparents would gripe about how we were going to drive ourselves to extinction with technology. They can barely turn on a computer. What do they know?

I was so excited about the new smartphones. It was the first thing I wanted to get myself after I finally got out from under my grandparents’ thumb. I was grateful for them raising me after whatever it was that happened to my parents, sure, but I was ready to get out of a house that constantly smelled like antiseptic and old leather. And I hated my flip phone. I’d had it for two years now, and my grandparents refused to get me a new one despite the fact that everybody around me was already goggling in wonderment at their newfangled iPhones. My grandparents were quick to inform me that envy is a sin. Envy was the least of my problems.

Well I would show them, I thought. So I took my fucking flip phone and put it in the microwave. It was a little bit curiosity, but mostly I wanted to break something. And I hated this phone. Hated it. With a passion. Maybe that was the ingredient that was missing. I don’t know.

The phone flashed and sparked for about a minute before the plastic started to blister and blacken. Then, black goo started to bloom from where the screen had been, with a series of small pops that reminded me of bones cracking. I was starting to worry that the whole thing would spark a fire, so I went to pull out the cord, but then the lights went out. Good enough, right? But the lights in the microwave didn’t stop. It kept flashing and popping, and the black good formed into the shape of a man. Goo dribbled from his half-formed mouth and eyes, and it groaned with intense pain. Tiny, string-like tentacles formed and coalesced into little hands, dragging the bulbous, black face out of the torn surface of the phone.

I cried out and ran. When I finally came to my senses, I returned to find a burned out microwave, the lights back, and no grandparents. I never saw them again.